Hey, I'm Emily. I'm a 15-year old girl. I'm a big Enchancer (Greyson Chance fan), Directioner (One Direction fan), Swiftie (Taylor Swift fan), and Arch Angel (David Archuleta fan)! Music and my best friends help me to survive life. My astrological sign is Aquarius. I'm actually born on a holiday (: Can you guess? I'll give you a hint... there's always lots of red, pink, and hearts. Yup, that's right. I'm born on the lovely yet occasionally sickening Valentine's Day. My favorite number is 21 because 2 + 1 = 3 and you can make a heart with the number 3. I like hearts, as corny/cheesy as that sounds, because I do believe in love. Plus, without my heart, I wouldn't be able to live.
My best friend is Katrina, and we've been best friends for about 5 years now. Actually, we don't use the term "best friends" or "bffs." We like to use the term "soul sisters." I actually came up with that because I sent her an email one day saying something among the lines of "i love you <3 thank you for being my unbiological sister." And so, from then on we kinda just called each other "soul sister." We do still use the "best friend" or "bff" terms but I don't know... I think we enjoy "soul sister" more hahaha. I'm glad she's my unbiological sister. I only have older brothers, so I don't know what it's like to have a female sibling. I'm happy I met Katrina 5 years ago.
I enjoy reading and watching romance at its best. I love to smile and laugh and hanging out with my friends. I can be witty and original. Lots of people say that I'm really funny and can make people cheer up in no time, so I guess you could say that I am an optimistic kind of person. Helping people out and making them feel better is kind of something that I do... it's almost like natural instinct. I love the freedom of things; I can be adventurous and living with no strings attached. Many say that I'm easy-going so I suppose I am! I'm unpredictably spontaneous and always full of excitement. I love to sing and dance around my room randomly when no one's watching. It's fun, you should try it out! It's like I'm in my own little world... the world where I want to be. It's where I can simply be ME. I just wish being me wasn't always so awful.
Those were all of my good traits... One of my bad traits is that I procrastinate a lot. I also sleep way too late for a 15-year old girl. But, I still manage to stay awake for most of the day. LOL.
Ok, now it gets serious. Everyday, I berate myself about how I could be better... I could be skinnier. I could be taller. I could be smarter. I could be a whole lot more... the problem is that I let myself down so much that I never end up doing it. I create goals for myself to accomplish, but sometimes it's just so hard to do them.
I am a victim of scoliosis. I am too short. I am fat compared to all of my friends. I'm probably about 10 pounds overweight compared to my friends. I have acne, while other people I know don't. I am self-conscious. I have always have sweaty hands (hyperhydrosis), even if I'm not nervous or anything. I constantly worry about things most people my age shouldn't even be worrying about!
First of all, let me describe to you what scoliosis is. Scoliosis is a curvature in the spine. The curve is measured in degrees. The larger the degree, the worse it is, and the more pain you can feel. I hate scoliosis. If your curve is at around 50 degrees, most doctors would recommend you to have surgery. If you have surgery, they cut open your back and insert rods to straighten the spine out. It leaves a long scar. My parents didn't want me to do surgery, obviously. Plus, I'm terrified of even the thought of doing surgery on something as big as this. There's just so many risks - so many things could happen. So, we went with the other option: wear a brace. So, I wore a brace for approximately one and a half years. I had to wear this full-body brace 20 hours out of the 24 hours that we have in a day. I had to wear it when I slept, when I ate, etc. I also do yoga to help my scoliosis, although I don't really like yoga. It doesn't feel like it's ever helping, and the background music of the yoga video always makes me super sleepy. Oh, my parents also force me to have acupuncture done on me. The acupuncture doctor pokes a bunch of needles into me, then leaves me lying there face-down for about an hour. My face always gets tired, and having needles being stuck in you is not fun - it hurts. Then, the doctor'll come in, take the needles out, and massage the parts where the needles were a little. Finally, he'll do this chiropractor thing where he pushes and pulls my body around... kind of like a really hardcore massage. Scoliosis is a life-long thing. I'll have to deal with it forever until I die. The scary thing about scoliosis is that if I ever get pregnant, the curve could worsen greatly. That could also happen during menopause because this is when the hormones are changing. Plus, it's genetic. My future children could have it, and then they might have to suffer, just like how I do now. It's not easy being me. And don't think you understand how I feel, either, unless if you actually have scoliosis.
Here's a picture of me and my horribly, lovely, gruesome, beautifully ugly back.
Having sweaty hands, also known as hyperhydrosis, all the time and being too short doesn't help much either. I hate having sweaty hands. It's hard to do things, and I always have to avoid touching anybody's bare skin with my sweaty hands because then, they'd be super disgusted. And then, because of my scoliosis, I'm obviously shorter than I should be. If my spine were straight and normal like everybody else's, I could be almost 2, maybe 3 inches taller. I wouldn't be stuck as 5'3" forever. Sometimes people make fun of me for being short. They mean it in a joking way, but they don't know about my back problem. They don't know why I'm short... they don't ever know why I always take their little "joke" to heart and ponder over it for hours on end. They don't know how I would always secretly yell at the world and wish I were normal for once, so I wouldn't have to work so hard all the time. There has been many times where I cried myself to sleep.
I hate my life so much sometimes.
I feel so alone all the time. I always thought that maybe, if I knew somebody who had scoliosis just as bad as me, I wouldn't feel so alone. I could be friends with him/her. I could share personal stories and experiences with him/her. All in all, I just wouldn't feel lonely. My best friend knows about my scoliosis, but even she can't make me feel better about it. She doesn't understand the pain that I go through every single damn day. The only thing she can do is try to comfort me and make me smile. I just wish I had somebody who understands. That's all I really want right now. To be able to talk to someone and cry to them about how bad I feel and how alone I'm always feeling.
Anyways [insert big sigh here] moving on. I support Operation Purple Sky*. It's an anti-bullying organization. Every minute of every day, there is somebody out there who is killing themselves due to bullying. Why do people bully others? I ask myself that almost everyday. It's cruel and unfair. People's feeling are being hurt. Bullying should stop now. More people should care about this unjust treatment of others. But alas, very little in our world do. Most of my friends will listen to me when I talk about it and say, "Oh, that's sad." But they don't actually do anything about it... they don't say that they support anti-bullying or anything. I suppose it's too much to expect of a person, but the very least they could do is to spread the word. If you want to find out more about Operation Purple Sky, here is their
twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/YoureAPurpleSky
facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Operation-Purple-Sky/242735902434756
*Purple Sky is a song that Greyson Chance wrote about bullying... listen to it here:
and here is him commenting on it on the Ellen show:
I think Operation Purple Sky is a great organization. They help people who are being bullied...
I guess that's about it. That's all I can think of to describe me. I hope you read this whole thing and didn't just scroll down to the bottom or skim the page and not fully read it. I spent a lot of time writing this, wondering how to put these words. I've longed to let all of this out for a long time, and now that I finally have, well, yea. I just want people to read this, and know how I feel. Okay... well... thanks... and... erhm... bye.
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