When Is It My Turn?

have you ever hit that low point in life where you just feel so bad about every single fucking thing in your life? where your head hurts like it's going to explode? where your heart hurts so much you feel like you're dying? where you just want to burrow into your bed and fall asleep for hours and hours? yeah. i've been kinda feeling that in these past couple of days, today especially.

so i applied for my school newspaper and i didnt get in. i then applied for my school yearbook staff and i didnt get accepted. im so tired of not being good enough for anything. i feel like im not worth anything like my friends are. everything my friends applied to, they got in. i want to be accepted into something, too. i want to feel like im actually good enough for something that im able to be accepted in because they think i have real talent or skill for something. im just so tired of being disappointed all the time.

im so tired of working hard to get something and not getting it. i keep getting my hopes up, only to have them crushed again. im sick of not being good enough. im a disappointment to myself. i just want to feel happy and proud of myself for an accomplishment or goal i've reached. im just so sick and tired of hearing other people being congratulated. when will it ever be my turn?

this explains so much... like why i stay up so late all the time.